Fuck Boy… “A person who is a weak ass pussy that ain’t bout shit.” Urban Dictionary December 29, 2004, http://www.urbandictionary.com. The first time I heard the term fuck boy was summer of 2015. I was having a conversation with one of my younger cousins (who shall remain nameless), and she was talking about this guy who she seemingly didn’t care too much about but was entertaining nonetheless. As she continued her description of this guy she wrapped up the conversation with “but he’s a fuck boy”. I asked her what the hell is a fuck boy? And she responded, a nigga who ain’t about shit, who just plays around with women, you know a fuck boy.
Over the past few years I have had several unique dating experiences (I may have understated that). I have provided my friends with a lifetime of entertainment and quite frankly I maybe able to write a best seller one day… As interesting as these situations have been, I never thought that at the tender age of 32 I would encounter my first and may I claim in Jesus name, my last fuck boy. If you were to ask me what a fuck boy was prior to reading urban dictionary, I would tell you that they usually tend to be young boys who have nothing going for themselves. I would have told you that these boys take pleasure in getting with women for the sole purpose of jerking them around. I am here to tell you that fuck boys come in all shapes and sizes, from all age groups, creeds, you name it. My great great grandfather use to warn me about “vacabon abiye” which translated, simply means a vagabond in gentlemen’s clothing or in street terms an ain’t shit nigga in a real man’s clothing.
I have tried my best to heed his warnings (epic fail). But it is real in these streets. There is a generation of fuck boys rising up. Their training is impeccable. Their recruiters/mentors are putting in over time. They are going hard in the paint. No woman is safe.
The question you all may be asking yourselves is how did I encounter a fuck boy? Well, I did what most professional women do, I lowered my standards.
How you may ask? Well it’s simple. Have you ever seen a doctor get with a janitor? I haven’t seen such a thing in my lifetime. Granted if the doctor just wants to have fun, then yes, maybe the janitor thing is not so far fetched. But to become serious and build a life? ? Nah B… Where did I even find a fuck boy? Well my friends as I stated earlier they come in all shapes and sizes, from all age groups and they may even be hiding in your workplace.
I have always prided myself on not being a classist. I often tell people that I am an equal opportunity dater and quite frankly my track record would reflect that pro affirmative action. I have never really dated a true professional of equal rank and education. But I guess that is the naiveté right? Thinking that ones heart and seemingly good acts transcend all barriers and social constructs. That being able to have an intellectual conversation regarding the state of the union can be replaced with the fact that he could cook a meal.
Those who know me well know I am quite the conversationalist. I know a little bit about everything and I love to use my intellect. But for some reason, I find myself entertaining men who are not intellectuals and as one friend put it “dumb as hell”. What I have learned from my fuck boy experience is this. Stop entertaining men who are not on your level. It is ok to want someone who is articulate and equally intelligent. It is ok to be with a man who can talk about the political and social state of our country. It is ok to expect that a man do more than the bare minimum when courting, i.e. bringing you lunch does not earn you brownie points ,neither does picking you up and dropping you off from point A to point B.
Many women today have a hard time identifying a real man. When a man does something nice, or shows minimal effort, we think we have a prince on our hands, when all we really have is a fuck boy.
A guy asked me one time, what I did for a living. I told him that I was an attorney. Right off the bat he told me that I was overqualified to date him. This is without him knowing my credentials. I certainly appreciated this form of honestly. I mean the guy was high at the time, but it was a wake up call that hey I am really a big deal and I should be proud of all my accomplishments. Dealing with insecure men has a way of stealing that sense of pride. You are so caught up in trying to make them feel comfortable, you diminish yourself and your accomplishments and that just isn’t cool.
So what is the takeaway here? Leave them fuck boy’s alone!! If Jiminy cricket taps you on the shoulder and says this nigga aint for you, listen. If the Holy Spirit comes upon you and says pay attention to his lack of reasoning skills, heed the warning. If your friends say, “he’s a fun guy but he is dumb as hell”, that may be an indication that you should go no further.
As women, we do a whole lot of settling and we entertain men who we know damn well we will never keep around or introduce to the real family. There is no reason why we should not strive to have it all. It does not have to be either/or. A man can be both smart and a chef. He can be both compassionate and a beast in the boardroom. It is ok to have standards. If you want to date a man that has an advanced degree, hell a four-year degree, it is ok. Why should we feel bad for wanting that? I have gone through the wringers of education and I have suffered and fought the good fight. Why can’t I want a man who has shared in this struggle? A man who appreciates the importance of education. At the end of the day women get a lot of flack for being “picky”. It is not about being picky (well for some women it’s not), but it is about finding YOUR equal and I ain’t never seen a doctor with a janitor… I’m just saying….
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